The Real Way to Build a Network

Starting on a new job and moving to a new city has provided me with a lot of learning opportunities. A major change relates to building a network, both socially and professionally. I have always viewed professional networking as a pretty cumbersome task - inauthentic, transactional, and forced. However, over time my perspective have changed because I actually find it very interesting to meet new people and learn about their interesting lives. My personal opinion is that by finding the hidden joy behind networking and perceiving networking as a relationship building exercise, professional or social networking could be pretty satisfying! Today's post is going to take a break from health care and discuss social and professional networking.

This post is inspired by two sources. The first is an article I recently read in my monthly Fortune magazine subscription by Reid Hoffman and the second is a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. (Thanks to the Michigan HMP ladies virtual book club for this great recommendation!). I haven't had the chance to read "The Start-up of You: Adapt to the Future and Invest in Yourself, and Transform your Career" by Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha. But based on the article, I would vouch that this is a pretty insightful and powerful book. As for the Happiness Project, I would definitely encourage anyone, gentlemen and ladies alike, to enjoy this easy-read and a highly self-introspective book about pursuing happiness in the course of daily life activities. 

According to Reid Hoffman, the "guru" of networking, the founder of LinkedIn, and an early investor in Zynga and Facebook, building a genuine relationship with another person depends on two abilities. The first is seeing the world from another person's perspective and the second is the ability to think about how you can collaborate with and help with the other person rather than thinking about what you can get. The best way to strengthen a relationship is to do something for another person. 

His theory of a diversity of "weak ties" was pretty refreshing to me. This means that those acquaintances from elementary school or third-degree friends are actually more meaningful than you think.There are studies that show that job referrals actually mainly came from "weak ties". This makes sense since your good friends tend to be from the same industry, neighborhood, religious group etc. Therefore, a job or a news that a friend knows about, you probably already know about that. 

What is a good number to determine how diverse your peripheral group should be? Based on experiments and projections of human's cortex size, Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist, predicted that humans should be able to maintain 150 relationships at a time. Hence, the Dunbar number of 150 if you have heard of that before. Of course, you shouldn't feel limited by this number because you can actually maintain a much broader social network than the people you currently "know". In fact, I'm sure you have already heard of the 7 degrees of connectivity theory; that any individual can be connected to another individual in this world in less than 7 degrees. Seems like 3 is actually the magic number, according to Hoffman, because 3 degrees of connection is how trust is preserved. Anytime you want to meet a new person in your extended network, you should ask for an introduction. Always remember that your network is at anytime larger than what you think it is.

On the other hand, most people only maintain 5 to 10 deep alliances. An ally is someone whom you proactively share and collaborate opportunities together, also someone you consult for advice, someone whose brand you actively promote and talk up.

A combination of diverse weak ties and selectively deep alliances is the best model for a professional/social network.

Before signing out, here's another strong argument why you should network, or just hang out, using more socially accepted colloquial terms. Everyone from contemporary scientists to ancient philosophers agrees that having strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness! 

Quote from the Happiness Project: "One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself."

In summary, some golden rules:

1. The best network is wide and selectively deep. The best professional network is both narrow/ deep (allies whom you collaborate regularly) and wide/shallow (weak-tie acquaintances who offer fresh information and ideas)

2 . Open a conversation. ALWAYS start with a friendly gesture, a warm smile, and mean it. In a professional situation, one of the first questions you can always ask (if you are in that position) is: "How can I help you?". 

3. In the next day, look at your calendar for the past 6 months and identify five people you spend the most time with - are you happy with their influence on you?

4. In the next week, introduce two people who do not know each other but ought to. Imagine you got laid off from your job today. Who are the 10 people you'd email for advice? Invest in these relationships right now - don't hesitate!

5. In the next month, identify a weaker tie with whom you'd like to build an alliance. Start the relationship building by giving him or her a small gift- forward an article or job posting or buy him/her coffee.

6. Create an "interesting people fund" to which you automatically funnel a certain percentage of your paycheck to pay for coffees and the occasional plane tickets to meet new people and shore up existing relationships.

7. Make three new friends. New friends expand your world by providing an entrance to new interests, opportunities, and activities. Bring people together- organize food clubs, organize book clubs, use the "bring another friend" rule.

8. Remember birthdays. You can use happybirthday.com or Facebook to keep track of everyone's birthdays.

9. Show up. 

10. Don't gossip.

Do you have any suggestions to add to this list? Write a comment!